We all grow up choosing our friends, in fact this is a right we take for granted. It is when we have children, though, that everything changes. Suddenly we feel obliged to become friends with people who just happen to have had offspring at the same time as we did. The resulting playdates are full of small-talk and misbehaviour, as neither parents nor children have anything in common, other than the approximate birthdays of their children. Also, previously long-term friends can loose interest, as priorities and hours of social availability change. Anyone who has had a hangover with their young children around knows well that this is no longer an option, and such Friday nights of partying are replaced by Saturday lunches in pubs with a good garden, or picnics in the park. Sometimes, serendipitously, you stumble across someone new whose family circumstances and philosophy dovetail your own, and new friendships are born between parents and children simultaneously.
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Then there is a fourth group of friends, a real blessing in life. People you have known and liked for years who also fall into the first category, and through some wonderful happenstance, have children of about the same age. These are friends with whom you share both a past and opinions. Watching your child play happily with the child of a good friend is as miraculous to you both. Looking across to someone who knew you in those dim, distant, childless days and sharing in the unexpected joy of a toddler moment is a real treat. Watching your babies gaze at each other in spellbound, babbling wonder is equally wonderful. But sitting in the garden as the children play, saying to a friend "Can you believe it?" and knowing that your relationship has weathered that crossing into adult, family life is a real joy.
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I hope it isn't another two years before we meet up again, Aeron, but if it is, I know everything will be just fine! Thanks for a wonderful visit.
1 comment:
Em - what a magical time we had with you and your family in Nettleham, and what a poignant post. Our relationships have all shifted since we had children, but those few long-standing relationships with people whose journey into parenthood has coincided with our own are very special. I only wish our children could see each other more often (and of course, that WE could see each other more often)! Esme has picked up some of Imogen's pronunciations, and it's tickling me pink.
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