The NY Times came out with a story on co-sleeping today that is currently at the top of their "most emailed" charts, following on the heels of my previous post on the subject. As I have often found with NYT articles, there's not a lot of substance here - just anecdotes about famous or wealthy New Yorkers, like Liz Lange, the maternity fashion designer.
But it does raise some interesting questions: why is co-sleeping so popular now? Are we reacting to our parents' strict rules? My parents weren't strict, so that can't be it in my case. But my parents weren't exactly nurturing either, having subscribed to the less is more philosophy of parenting, so maybe this is my way of being more nurturing for my kids. Perhaps it is going too far, though. Can you over-nurture your kids? Should you draw the line at sleeping together?
The other question the article raises is what co-sleeping means for marriages. The conclusion is that sleep is the new sex. I have to confess that my main complaint about co-sleeping is that it is keeping Jacob and me apart, but I have to admit that I love waking up and seeing my two children's faces side by side next to me, with Jacob right there. I can't help but think, "Wow, how lucky am I to have this family!"
We've tried to transfer Esme to a pallet next to our bed, and she always begins the night there. But sometime in the wee hours of the night/morning, she wakes up crying and climbs into bed with us. The other night, she skipped the crying altogether and stood up to announce, "I'm getting into your bed, Mommy." What could I say? Was I going to risk a 2-year-old tantrum in the middle of the night? Hell no. I usually stand firm with Esme and if she throws a tantrum, so be it (she doesn't do it that often). But in the middle of the night when I weigh sleep on one hand and tantrum on the other, sleep is going to win every time.
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Well, I've been on both sides of the bed with this one. Imogen slept in my arms for the first six weeks, then moved into her own groove in the bed, which certainly made night-time breastfeeding easier but started up some bad habits as far as her sleep went. Certainly it was exquistely beautiful at times, but frustrating as well, and the depth of sleep I got was less for having her there. Now that Atticus is a whopping 5 days old I am delighted that he will sleep in a moses basket next to me. I can scoop him up to feed or snuggle, and he's close enough to hear my breathing, but in his own nest.
Child psychologists I've read say that co-sleeping is not over nurturing needy babies, but giving them the safe foundation needed to launch into life with confidence. The question every family must answer for themselves is when does it end? A friend just proudly announced that their seven year old now sleeps in her own room, I wanted my bed back just before Immi turned one. She's been in a toddler bed since she turned two and comes in each morning with a stack of books for us to read before we get up. What is right in one family should not be imposed on another, but I can see it becoming harder as the child gets older. I suppose it depends what your bedroom means to you as a couple: romantic sanctuary for a couple, last haven in the home from lego, or communally cozy space.
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