Lately, Esme has had a supercharged imagination. We woke up in bed yesterday, and she immediately said, "Vroom Vroom! We're riding!" I asked her if the bed was a car, and she said yes. It was fun and playful, and I ran with it, humming "Vroom! Vroom!" right along with her before we both burst into giggles. But then there are the other times that she answers questions wrong, and we wonder what is going on in her imagination. Like on a Saturday, we asked Esme what she had done that day, and she said, "I went to Teacher Bow's house." Esme goes to Teacher Bow's house four days a week, but not on Saturday. She insists, though, that she was there. Is this a lie?
I've come across this issue twice recently in magazines, and both American Baby and Scholastic's Parent & Child make passing references to the fact that toddlers and preschoolers have trouble distinguishing reality from fantasy. This just blows my mind! So Esme may have pretended that she went to Teacher Bow's house that day, and can't tell the difference between pretend and reality? I don't know how they come up with this information, and unfortunately neither magazine cited their sources. Maybe it's just common knowledge in child development psychology? I'm always leery of "common knowledge." But the advice in these magazines is good. Basically, they say don't berate your kid for "lying" to you, but be glad that they are letting you into their fantasy world. When Esme comes up with her fantastical stories, I get a chance to see what's going on in that little noggin.
I have no way of knowing for sure, but I think Esme understands the difference between pretend and real. For example, she has these fake grapes. She asked if she could pick one, and I answered that they were pretend grapes so we can't really pick them. She looked at me and asked, "Can I pretend pick them?" And that's just what she did. Pretended to pick them. Maybe in her mind she will remember having actually picked them, but who's to say?
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As a Waldorf teacher, we like to use ambiguous toys to offer limitless imaginative possibilities. So a bag of silks can become rivers, bonfires, forest caves, costumes, baskets of food. . . the list is literally endless. I try to ask not 'What can this toy do?' but 'What can my child do with this toy?'
When Imogen (now 3) crawls across the floor to me, I have had to learn to ask 'Who are you being?' before I join in, instead of posing my own assumption 'Hello little kitten, would you like some milk?'
I truly believe that a child's imaginative development is linked to their ability to problem solve, extrapolate and make cross-curricular links in later life; as well as the obvious benefits to creativity. Concepts like 'real' or 'pretend' are about concrete absolutes. We adults live in a world of right and wrong, of meaning; the pre-literate and pre-numerate child lives in a world of possibility. Because a child often encounters objects or experiences which are new to them, they are quickly able to understand uses and apply them to objects. As a result they can come up with their own more easily, hence a muddy puddle being witches brew or a wildlife safariland depending on which game is being played.
Do we want our children to believe in Father Christmas and the Tooth Fairy or do we want them to participate in a cynical game where they know it's us but pretend not to to get the treat? If the former, then cultivating a sense of wonder in a child, where a seed-pod floating through a garden can be a fairy, or a tidepool can become an entire world is crucial. Trying to nurture this side of our children also enables them to entertain themselves with the cardboard box for long after the batteries have worn out on the latest plastic toy!
ps I think that the concept of a 'lie' implies motivation to deceive, not something I would put within a young child's grasp.
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