We all know the saying, "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth." I never understood the saying, because if you know the story at all, then the moral should be, "Be sure to look a gift horse in the mouth." So it is that I address the topic of gifts for our children, and what we allow.
After Esme looked at us all crazy-eyed, strung out on sugar from her Easter egg hunts, I called our neighbor and good friend to beg her not to bring Esme another basket filled with candy. "Can't you just eat it?" she asked. No way - she's gotten smarter since last year (when, I confess, I did eat it all!). I felt a little guilty, but I couldn't seen another week with a sugar-jacked toddler around the house.
Several weeks ago, a friend came over for dinner and brought gifts for the kids. She brought Esme the cutest flashlight in a soft, bug case. Now I know that Esme loves flashlights. But she's not allowed to keep gifts unless she says thank you. It became a showdown. "Say thank you, Esme." Big eyes float down to the floor, pouty mouth staying shut. "Don't you want the toy?" No, she said. Little liar.
The next week, we saw the same friend again. "Are you going to say thank you?" No. I was going to be firm and stand my ground. But then that friend's dog snapped at Esme and scared the bejezus out of her (and me). The friend saw her opportunity, "Now can I give her the flashlight?"
I was broken. I turned to Esme and said, "Do you want the flashlight?" No. "You don't have to say thank you. Now do you want the flashlight?" An emphatic YES punctuated by puppy dog eyes was the answer. Esme won that round. I probably need to loosen up when it comes to people giving my children gifts. We'll see who wins the next round.
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Oh the demon sugar and its arch nemesis chocolate. . .the evil they release in my otherwise wondeful child, and the secret love I harbour for them. I feel like the ultimate hypocrite for denying her something I love myself, but there we go- mother's perogative! When it comes to Easter my take has been to allow her to stuff her face with chocolate early in the day, allowing plenty of time for running outside and then the inevitable sugar-crash to summon an early nap. We also hid her eggs over and over again in the garden, looting the Easter basket and rolling the eggs into the herb garden or across the lawn. These two techniques bought us a lovely relaxing (adult) lunchtime after a crazy morning.
As for the presents thing, I couldn't agree more. The Thank-you needs to be heard for the present to be accepted. Our issue at the moment is Imogen asking for 'Treats' as soon as Daddy comes home or whenever we go shopping. We're trying to explain that a treat is a surprise that someone else offers, not something we ask for or expect. I don't want to make food or candy into a reward for good behaviour, nor their witholding a punishment for misbehaving. Such treatment gives them too much power and value in a child's mind.
Being cornered by a toddler demanding a treat is obnoxious, but I like to do nice things for those I love, so I don't want to be stopped from that. We are trying to include her in coming up with surprises or treats for each other- baking hot crossed buns for the old lady down the road whose dog just died; taking Daddy breakfast in bed on a Sunday morning- then going for a walk so he can enjoy it in peace; making Easter cookies for Auntie Erica's train-ride back to London. Oh, wait a minute, they're all food-based treats. Maybe I am teaching the food = happiness equation after all.
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