The Pendulum of Parenthood

I was talking to a friend for the first time since Emil was born. First we went through all of the formal greetings. You know, the things you have to say. “He’s perfect. Esme is a model big sister. We’re having a great time.”

She has a two-year-old also, so we chat about how fun this stage is, how their personalities are really coming out now that they can communicate, and so on. And then we get down to the truth. Well, the initial stuff was truth, too, but no truer than the dirty stuff.

I confess we’re barely sleeping at all, and there have been times when Emil and Esme have both been crying, and the dog barking, and all I can think is why have we chosen this life and how can I abdicate? Then she tells me about being in the grocery store with her son who manages to pour a Jamba Juice on his head while she’s wheeling him through the aisles. As she stands at the salad bar, using napkins to clean up the mess, the thought crosses her mind for two seconds to just walk away and leave him there.

Neither of us recall being warned about how difficult parenthood is. There must be some conspiracy out there, because if people told the truth, then procreation would come to an end. Of course, you can’t really convey how wonderful parenthood is, either. So I guess in the end it’s fair to not scare people off with the terrible stuff. Yeah, there are times that my daughter throws tantrums in a restaurant, or my son starts crying uncontrollably in the middle of the night, but then my daughter tells me a hundred times a day, “I love you, Mommy” and the look on Emil’s face as he nurses says pretty much the same thing. That makes it worth it.

Let’s face it. Parenthood is the absolute hardest, most wonderful, most frustrating, most rewarding thing that a person can do.

Drinking during pregnancy

The NY Times came out with an article today (subscription required) about drinking during pregnancy. It's great that the topic is coming up, since it has long been assumed that a pregnant woman shouldn't drink - end of story. Kudos to the writer who stated that the story isn't entirely over.

But while the article is fairly lengthy, it doesn't say much new. Yes, Europeans drink wine regularly during pregnancy (but they don't eat raw vegetables). People are quick to judge women who drink during pregnancy, but the fact remains that there is no evidence showing that light drinking during pregnancy is detrimental to the fetus. There is only clinical evidence that heavy drinking (with zero drinking as the control) is dangerous.

I drank wine during both my pregnancies. I had a waiter who looked to be about 21 tell me he didn't know if he should serve me the glass of champagne I ordered at my anniversary dinner with my husband. I told him he should, and he obliged.

By the way, both of my children were born without fetal alcohol syndrome.

Smiles

I was just playing with Emil in his playmat,
saying, "Let me see your famous smile." And lo and behold, he flashes
his gorgeous grin. I get giddy with excitement, thinking, "Oh, he's
finally really smiling in response to my smile!" Then I hear it, the
unmistakable sound of poop. I should have known.

Testing your breastmilk for alcohol?

I could kiss these women.

They are to be credited with creating and marketing a way of testing your breast milk for alcohol content. And it's available at stores now. Enough said.

Holiday parties, here I come! And yes, I will have that glass of wine. Thank you.

Are those breasts being bared? GASP!

I was eating at Alice's Restaurant in Woodside over the weekend, and my little month old baby boy started to make some noise. I know his noises pretty well, and this one said, "I'm hungry." If not attended to quickly enough, it's followed by yelling that says "I'M STARVING!!!!!!!" Mindful of the other diners' peace of mind, I gave him the boob and kept him quiet.

But then my two-year-old started acting up, so I scooted out of the booth to allow her and my husband to quickly exit the restaurant. As I stood up with little Emil held firmly to my chest, I noticed the woman in the booth next to us give me what can only be called a nasty look. She said something to her husband and son (who appeared to be about 10). I sat back down and a few minutes later noticed her little boy peeking over the booth to watch me. His mother reprimanded him and he turned around.

Now I can only imagine that she said something like, "Oh my god, that woman is breastfeeding in public!" She may have been offended that her husband and son could have seen some small portion of my breasts, but if that's the case, then why did she point it out to them? She wasn't trying to hide her disgust from me, that's for sure. That's the kind of attitude that leads to a woman getting kicked off a plane for breastfeeding.

And a mom with a more fragile self confidence breastfeeding might have been shattered. She might have even stopped breastfeeding in public. This would have led her to offering a bottle of formula instead, which could lead to her milk supply lowering, which could eventually lead to her child not being breastfed anymore. And is that what's best for the kid? Hell no. Even the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends breast milk ONLY (no formula) for the first six months of a child's life.

But I guess that some people's sense of Decency is more important than babies getting the best possible diet. This in an example of Family Values gone wrong.

Does anyone else have stories to share about breastfeeding in public?

Introducing the Daily Spitup

Welcome to the Daily Spitup.

And you thought naming your kids was hard! Trying naming a blog. The first thought for a parenting blog is "Mommy" something or other, but that's not just overused, it's boring.

Next thoughts: From the Changing Pad or Fresh Diaper, but with two children under two, I already deal too much with diapers. Although Diaper Diva was tempting, until I learned that there is a diaper bag of the same name.

My favorite idea is The Good, the Bad, and the Stinky. But the URL would be out of control long. So the Daily Spitup it is. I think it's an appropriate name, in spite of being a little too much like the Daily Poop. It implies the cathartic experience that writing about parenthood inevitably is.

So stay tuned for ruminations about the good, the bad, and the ugly of parenting.