Yoga class was splendid, a solid hour and a half to stretch my muscles and focus on my breathing. At the beginning of the class, the teacher asked us to set an intention for our practice. It's yoga psycho-babble, I know, but somehow I know what she means. By setting an intention, we focus our energy. Lately, my intention always seems to be practice patience with Esme, what with all our potty training trouble. But since I've let her back into diapers, I just relaxed into the yoga session and let it be what it would.
As I moved through the postures, child's pose (Esme sleeping), happy baby (Emil laughing on the floor after being tickled), downward dog (Cleo begging me to play with her), it struck me that I was shedding my caretaker role and trying to get back some of the focus on myself through my yoga practice. The children and the dogs are always my focus these days. This was about me getting the freedom to be like a little kid or a playful puppy dog. It was an interval of freedom from responsibility.
At the end of the yoga session, the teacher said, "Now think of something you're grateful for." My answer to this is almost always the same: I am grateful for my family. But this time, my response was different. I was grateful for the yoga class, for reminding me to take care of myself.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Friday, August 24, 2007
The Power of Uni-tasking
I have trudged through days where I felt like I was busy as could be, but at the end of the day there were no finished tasks to point to and say, "Look what I've accomplished." Flitting around from one thing to another, I couldn't seem to complete anything.
So I had to resort to drastic measures. I've started to turn off my computer during the day. Now I only allow myself to get online a few times a day. So maybe I haven't severed this digital umbilical cord to the world, but I have limited my reliance on it with profound results. Suddenly, I can concentrate and plow through a single task. Even those tasks that are too big to ever seem to complete (like pulling that rampant, weedy periwinkle from the yard) are being tackled in greater blocks.
I suspect that I'm not the only person addicted to email. I have checked it religiously for years now, probably hundreds of times a day. After checking my inbox, I then surf my favorite news sites or browse sites that offer information on something I'm researching. If I added up all the scraps of minutes spent on email and random website surfing, I would have a sizeable chunk of my day returned to me. That's why I've decided to become a uni-tasker, a task that could only be achieved once I shut off my Mac. The interesting side effect of this effort is a change in my mental state as I go to work. I feel more emotionally and mentally present in my tasks when I'm only doing one thing. It's very zen, really. Thich Nhat Hanh would be proud of me. And it's most obvious when I'm doing activities with the children. I spend time with the children and give them my full attention. I'm not trying to cook dinner, answer emails, talk on the phone, clean up, or do anything else. The result is that we have a lot more fun together. That's not to say that the kids are never playing by themselves - because I think it's very important for them to have alone play, and that's when I cook dinner or clean up or do laundry.
By focusing on one thing at a time, I feel a much greater sense of accomplishment when I complete something. I have also found my mind wandering through the language of my actions, playing with words when I'm engaged in more meditative acts, like chopping vegetables or weeding. Phrases that evoke the spirit of my acts, delicious words like the sticky smell of overripe fruit, or the light pink flesh of roots rip from the rocky dirt, just pop into my head, delighting my writer-side. It's almost like I've rediscovered the poetry of the everyday. Who knew that uni-tasking could improve my quality of life so much?
So I had to resort to drastic measures. I've started to turn off my computer during the day. Now I only allow myself to get online a few times a day. So maybe I haven't severed this digital umbilical cord to the world, but I have limited my reliance on it with profound results. Suddenly, I can concentrate and plow through a single task. Even those tasks that are too big to ever seem to complete (like pulling that rampant, weedy periwinkle from the yard) are being tackled in greater blocks.
I suspect that I'm not the only person addicted to email. I have checked it religiously for years now, probably hundreds of times a day. After checking my inbox, I then surf my favorite news sites or browse sites that offer information on something I'm researching. If I added up all the scraps of minutes spent on email and random website surfing, I would have a sizeable chunk of my day returned to me. That's why I've decided to become a uni-tasker, a task that could only be achieved once I shut off my Mac. The interesting side effect of this effort is a change in my mental state as I go to work. I feel more emotionally and mentally present in my tasks when I'm only doing one thing. It's very zen, really. Thich Nhat Hanh would be proud of me. And it's most obvious when I'm doing activities with the children. I spend time with the children and give them my full attention. I'm not trying to cook dinner, answer emails, talk on the phone, clean up, or do anything else. The result is that we have a lot more fun together. That's not to say that the kids are never playing by themselves - because I think it's very important for them to have alone play, and that's when I cook dinner or clean up or do laundry.
By focusing on one thing at a time, I feel a much greater sense of accomplishment when I complete something. I have also found my mind wandering through the language of my actions, playing with words when I'm engaged in more meditative acts, like chopping vegetables or weeding. Phrases that evoke the spirit of my acts, delicious words like the sticky smell of overripe fruit, or the light pink flesh of roots rip from the rocky dirt, just pop into my head, delighting my writer-side. It's almost like I've rediscovered the poetry of the everyday. Who knew that uni-tasking could improve my quality of life so much?
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Admitting defeat
I'm too emotionally exhausted to craft a well-thought out entry today. I will simply say this: I give up.
Esme is in diapers again after a little over a week of wearing underwear. We had some great days that she avoided most accidents. Then there are days like today. First thing this morning, she announced that she didn't need to go potty cause she had already peed. Determined not to let it set the tone for the day, I had her sit on the potty every 15-30 minutes, and it was soon after one of these attempts that she pooped on the floor (she was going nakey-butt because - shock! - all her underwear were in the laundry).
I almost hit her. Her "accident" was so deliberate. Patience expired, I was angry. Then I decided maybe she just needed more attention, so we spent the morning on drawing and painting with water colors, taking regular trips to the bathroom (most resulting in nothing). Then we sat down to lunch and when I asked her if she needed to go potty, she looked sheepish. "I already did." Sure enough, there was a nasty, smooshed up, stinky poop that was going to be a bi_*& to clean out of her underwear.
I won't recount my response, because I'm not proud of it. Let's just say that Esme is back in diapers for the time being. I give up. She wins. And maybe this capitulation of mine shows what was wrong with the whole scenario: it was me against her and her against me. Who was going to control her body? The answer is that she is the only one who can control her body. When will we try out her underwear again? I don't know. I'm just trying not to be bitter about the ordeal, and praying that it doesn't cause a backlash, keeping her in diapers even longer.
Esme is in diapers again after a little over a week of wearing underwear. We had some great days that she avoided most accidents. Then there are days like today. First thing this morning, she announced that she didn't need to go potty cause she had already peed. Determined not to let it set the tone for the day, I had her sit on the potty every 15-30 minutes, and it was soon after one of these attempts that she pooped on the floor (she was going nakey-butt because - shock! - all her underwear were in the laundry).
I almost hit her. Her "accident" was so deliberate. Patience expired, I was angry. Then I decided maybe she just needed more attention, so we spent the morning on drawing and painting with water colors, taking regular trips to the bathroom (most resulting in nothing). Then we sat down to lunch and when I asked her if she needed to go potty, she looked sheepish. "I already did." Sure enough, there was a nasty, smooshed up, stinky poop that was going to be a bi_*& to clean out of her underwear.
I won't recount my response, because I'm not proud of it. Let's just say that Esme is back in diapers for the time being. I give up. She wins. And maybe this capitulation of mine shows what was wrong with the whole scenario: it was me against her and her against me. Who was going to control her body? The answer is that she is the only one who can control her body. When will we try out her underwear again? I don't know. I'm just trying not to be bitter about the ordeal, and praying that it doesn't cause a backlash, keeping her in diapers even longer.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Child's Play
I'm currently on a committee to build a community playground, and I have to confess it's been fun. I've made it my job to seek out the coolest playground equipment and find out who makes it. We live in a rural redwood forested area, and families regularly drive down the hill to playgrounds in the more populated cities of the Peninsula. What we want is a safe, fun place for our children to play that doesn't require a 20 minute drive.
As I watch my own children growing older and becoming increasingly interested in playgrounds, I wonder at how different child rearing is from the days when I was a kid. My parents just used to open the door and let us go. But you can't really do that anymore. There are more cars on the road, and they drive faster. Predators are out there lurking, waiting for their chance to snatch unsupervised children. But I think it's more than a changing world. I think there's more focus on supervising children because we are obsessed with being the best parents we can, and sometimes, by trying too hard, we actually are becoming worse parents.
I was recently speaking with a woman who complained that when she has family friendly parties, the adults all end up sitting on the floor playing barbies with the kids. What happened to kids who could entertain themselves? What happened with being an adult around children, and letting them see how adults behave, rather than always trying to be on the child's level? These are good questions.
The NY Times wrote an article about a book addressing this very topic. It brushes on a lot of topics without going into depth on any of them: pointing out an empty playground (the children were all presumably in front of their tv's), the seismic shift in toys which occurred with the introduction of television (from open-ended imagination toys to toys that are prepackaged with a fantasy life and characters all made up for the children), and the idea that children should always be monitored and should be prohibited from doing anything too dangerous (like throwing balls or skipping rope, as an example of rules from one school).
As usual, it is easy to over-think playtime for our children, but not thinking about it enough could lead to a world of zombies buying all the latest products that dull rather than inspire creativity in our children and possibly even hasten the destruction of the environment (where does all this plastic end up?).
As I watch my own children growing older and becoming increasingly interested in playgrounds, I wonder at how different child rearing is from the days when I was a kid. My parents just used to open the door and let us go. But you can't really do that anymore. There are more cars on the road, and they drive faster. Predators are out there lurking, waiting for their chance to snatch unsupervised children. But I think it's more than a changing world. I think there's more focus on supervising children because we are obsessed with being the best parents we can, and sometimes, by trying too hard, we actually are becoming worse parents.
I was recently speaking with a woman who complained that when she has family friendly parties, the adults all end up sitting on the floor playing barbies with the kids. What happened to kids who could entertain themselves? What happened with being an adult around children, and letting them see how adults behave, rather than always trying to be on the child's level? These are good questions.
The NY Times wrote an article about a book addressing this very topic. It brushes on a lot of topics without going into depth on any of them: pointing out an empty playground (the children were all presumably in front of their tv's), the seismic shift in toys which occurred with the introduction of television (from open-ended imagination toys to toys that are prepackaged with a fantasy life and characters all made up for the children), and the idea that children should always be monitored and should be prohibited from doing anything too dangerous (like throwing balls or skipping rope, as an example of rules from one school).
As usual, it is easy to over-think playtime for our children, but not thinking about it enough could lead to a world of zombies buying all the latest products that dull rather than inspire creativity in our children and possibly even hasten the destruction of the environment (where does all this plastic end up?).
Monday, August 13, 2007
Day 4 of underwear wearing
Esme has been wearing underwear for about 4 days now! She's been having about 3 accidents a day, but she's been using the potty consistently. We're using cloth diapers at nap time and at night. Fingers crossed that this is the turning point! Stay tuned.
Friday, August 10, 2007
Potty problems and feelings of inadequacy
It is rare that I feel absolutely incompetent as a parent. But I have to admit that this is how I'm feeling right now. This potty training effort has me at my wit's end. How long should it take to potty train a child? One person would say, clearly you're child isn't ready yet, and another would say, why aren't you doing this or that? All I can say is that I'm ready to pull my hair out and give my daughter away to the first person who'll take her.
Perhaps the problem is that she is stubborn, a trait she comes by most honestly given that both her her mother and father are incredibly stubborn. You see, she sits on the potty, then gets her diaper or underwear on and immediately pees or poops. She sometimes successfully in the potty, but there are other times that she just refuses. It has me ready to explode! I know I'm not supposed to get mad at her when she has an accident, but what about when I know it wasn't an accident but a decision she made to pee on the floor rather than on the potty? What do I do then? I can tell you, I lose my temper. I'm not proud of it. But I don't think taking it with equilibrium helps either.
Jacob and I have decided to get her in underwear full time (except for bedtime, when she can wear a cloth diaper) for three days to see if that will do the trick. That is what our good friend and nanny extraordinaire Kelly Anne suggested. So far, it's resulted in a frustrating morning with two pee accidents. The first time she peed, she said she forgot she was wearing underwear instead of a diaper. I told her that was okay and cleaned up after her, giving her loving support. The second time it happened, she was standing right next to the potty and told me that she chose to go in her underwear. What do I say to that? There are times it's hard not to curse in front of, or in this instance AT, my children. I didn't curse, and that was an achievement.
Just now, she finally pooped in the potty after holding it in all morning. Afterwards, I asked her, "Aren't you proud of yourself?" Her answer? "No."
I foresee a long and frustrating three days ahead of me.
Perhaps the problem is that she is stubborn, a trait she comes by most honestly given that both her her mother and father are incredibly stubborn. You see, she sits on the potty, then gets her diaper or underwear on and immediately pees or poops. She sometimes successfully in the potty, but there are other times that she just refuses. It has me ready to explode! I know I'm not supposed to get mad at her when she has an accident, but what about when I know it wasn't an accident but a decision she made to pee on the floor rather than on the potty? What do I do then? I can tell you, I lose my temper. I'm not proud of it. But I don't think taking it with equilibrium helps either.
Jacob and I have decided to get her in underwear full time (except for bedtime, when she can wear a cloth diaper) for three days to see if that will do the trick. That is what our good friend and nanny extraordinaire Kelly Anne suggested. So far, it's resulted in a frustrating morning with two pee accidents. The first time she peed, she said she forgot she was wearing underwear instead of a diaper. I told her that was okay and cleaned up after her, giving her loving support. The second time it happened, she was standing right next to the potty and told me that she chose to go in her underwear. What do I say to that? There are times it's hard not to curse in front of, or in this instance AT, my children. I didn't curse, and that was an achievement.
Just now, she finally pooped in the potty after holding it in all morning. Afterwards, I asked her, "Aren't you proud of yourself?" Her answer? "No."
I foresee a long and frustrating three days ahead of me.
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
Baby Einstein's bogus promise - but is TV the devil?
Sorry I've been MIA lately. Between work, volunteer work, and parenting, I'm not sure which end is up these days. And I confess, there are some days that I turn on the TV so I can get dinner ready without having kids pull at my pants legs. Is that so wrong?
Maybe so according to Time magazine. I have to admit that this isn't news to me. Of course TV isn't great for a developing child's brain. The real question is whether it's actually harmful. Is a lower vocabulary based on a child's TV watching, or based on the fact that parents who let their kids watch a lot of TV also neglect to interact with their kids? I don't know. I don't let the children watch TV everyday, or even every other day. But they do watch a little. When I resort to the TV, I'm probably too stressed out to be interacting with them in a positive way anyway. I'll confess, though, that the "Repeat Play" button on the Baby Einstein videos is a a little evil. I wonder if that button appeared before or after Disney bought them out?
Maybe so according to Time magazine. I have to admit that this isn't news to me. Of course TV isn't great for a developing child's brain. The real question is whether it's actually harmful. Is a lower vocabulary based on a child's TV watching, or based on the fact that parents who let their kids watch a lot of TV also neglect to interact with their kids? I don't know. I don't let the children watch TV everyday, or even every other day. But they do watch a little. When I resort to the TV, I'm probably too stressed out to be interacting with them in a positive way anyway. I'll confess, though, that the "Repeat Play" button on the Baby Einstein videos is a a little evil. I wonder if that button appeared before or after Disney bought them out?
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