Toy recall continues

As I predicted in an earlier post, the toy recalls continue. And you can be sure that they will never discover all the lead-painted toys that have been sold to children. Just another reason to either by from local artisans, or to develop creative toys on your own for your children. My kids can spend weeks playing with a cardboard box.

Imaginary Friends

Yesterday, Esme started looking up to the top of the redwood trees and yelling, "Hey guys, what you doing up there?" I asked her who she was talking to, and she answered, "My friends." Where are they, I wanted to know. "Up there, Mommy," she gestured as if pointing out the most obvious thing in the world. "On top of the trees!"

It wasn't the first time I've encountered her friends. She talks to them all the time, assuming an authoritative voice that she seldom gets to use with Mom or Dad. I've asked her about her friends before, and she tells me that they are adult women. She gives varying answers on how many there are, but she assures me that they are not children and she refuses to tell me whether they have names. That's fine with me, though. It's her world and they are her friends, and when she's talking to them she doesn't like me to pry.

Why do kids have imaginary friends, and is it a healthy phenomena? An old article in Slate says that current thinking has cast a kinder light on pretend friends than Dr. Spock used to. I recall my mom telling me about the day her own mother took her to to the train station so that they could see her imaginary friend off to some other place. Nanny had gotten tired of being told she couldn't sit in that seat b/c the pretend friend was there. Apparently, the train ride worked. The friend was gone for good.

Since Esme's friends don't seem interested in my chairs (they were last seen on top of the guest house roof), I don't mind having them around. I think that they are a good sign of a healthy imagination, and that they help Esme role play to learn about social dynamics. But I can tell you this - I sure am glad that Emil was born. If we had decided to only have one child, I fear I would interpret Esme's imaginary friends as loneliness and longing for a sibling. Now I know it's just Esme, learning about the world around her.

Letter to Southwest

Here's the text of my letter to Southwest Airlines, in case anyone would like to borrow the language:

September 21, 2007

Mr. Gary Kelly
Chief Executive Officer
Southwest Airlines
P.O. Box 36647 - 1CR
Dallas, Texas 75235-1647


Dear Mr. Kelly,

I was disturbed to read that you were discontinuing the policy to allow families with young children to board first. Your comment that it wasn’t fair shows how little you must have traveled with young children. That is similar to saying it’s not fair for someone to have to offer a seat to an elderly person on the subway. Traveling with very young children is simply more difficult than traveling with adults, which is why this policy was instituted in the first place and is respected by almost every major airline.

As flying has become more uncomfortable in almost every way over the past several years, this is a measure that will make it significantly worse for families to travel. I can tell you that this change in policy will affect my choice in airlines.

I urge you to reconsider the proposed change.

Sincerely,


Aeron Noe

Avoid Southwest!!!!

Southwest Airlines is ending its practice of allowing families with young children to board first (a practice that is almost universally observed across airlines). From an article in the SF Chronicle: "Kelly (Southwest's CEO) said Southwest will cease preboarding families with children under 4, effective Oct. 2. He said he did not think it was fair for those passengers to automatically board first."

Not fair? Okay, so let's risk separating a mother from her infant. That sounds fair, doesn't it? What's wrong with people when they fail to recognize that there are simple signs of respect in society. You offer your seat on a crowded subway to an elderly person or someone with a small child. You let people with small children board the plane first. I have a strong feeling that Good Ole Mr. Kelly doesn't hold doors open for people, either. He's certainly no gentleman making this change to their policy.

Unfortunately, I have a flight scheduled on Southwest Airlines in just a few weeks! But after that, I think I will avoid the airline. Traveling with children is more difficult than traveling without children. I don't need to fly airlines that make it even more difficult.

I'm urging everyone to write Southwest to urge them to rethink this change in policy:

Gary Kelly, CEO
Southwest Airlines
P.O. Box 36647 - 1CR
Dallas, Texas 75235-1647

If Southwest gets away with it, what's to stop other airlines from following suit?

Toys toys toys!

There are so many toys out there! And I have to confess that I love toy shopping. We're coming up on both the kids' birthdays, and my brain is starting to sort through all the gift possibilities. Living in a small house means we need to be thoughtful in the toys we keep around. Nothing too big, nothing that can't be easily stored away.

One of the coolest things about having children is getting back some of that childhood excitement. When Esme or Emil get presents, I feel their butterflies. At the same time, there are so many considerations when selecting toys. Emil puts everything in his mouth, so we have to keep all choking-sized toys put away. Then there are the annoying toys that beep and buzz and make electronic noises. Of course, real instruments are fine with me. A kid banging on pots and pans doesn't chip away at my sanity like a bad recording of a bad song on a never-ending 5-second loop does.

But should toys also be educational? And what does educational mean? I think that the best toys for 3 and under offer developmentally appropriate challenges for their fine and gross motor skills, adding other concepts like shapes and colors as they go. A classic wooden shape sorter is a favorite in our house. Puzzles are also extremely popular. But then there are the "pretend" toys, which are great, too. What we try to avoid are toys that come "packaged" with a story already. So characters from TV, for example, have a history that comes with the branded toy. This limits the child's imagination, so I try to avoid Disney-style toys.

Of course, it has come out recently that many of these toys may be health hazards for our children, too. Most of the mass-produced, Chinese-manufactured toys that have been recalled due to lead paint concerns are these big brand, plastic toys. If you have toys like this in your house, you might want to test them yourself for lead, since you can almost guarantee that they won't discover/recall all the toys that have lead. The recall is just the tip of the iceberg - it's more likely that there is systematic use of lead in Chinese-made toys. There is a company called LeadCheck that provides simple swabs for surfaces, costing $18.45 for an 8-swab test kit.

This means that there is more reason than ever to choose more simple, artful toys that are not branded and mass-produced in China, but rather are handcrafted from organic materials. Some of my favorite stores are online, including Hearthsong and Oompa. Emily also keyed me in to Nova.

All this typing about toys has gotten me excited. I'm going to do some surfing now to decide what little gifts Esme and Emil are going to get to mark a new year of life!

Sleep-training Atticus

After over a month of constant night-waking and difficulty settling, we have determined to use a ‘crying-down’ period to help Atticus learn to sleep. It is heart-breaking. He is six and a half months and is a beautiful, happy, energetic baby. He was weaned onto some solids at 5 months and now has three good meals a day, plus milk-feeds on demand. At night I nurse him at my bedtime, then around 3 or 4am, then breakfast. I feel confident that he no longer needs much more than just the middle of the night feed, as he now wakes without being hungry and often waits a good half an hour before nursing, this morning is was closer to an hour. I am utterly exhausted from his most recent bout of sleeplessness- he is currently waking over a dozen times a night, needing to be rocked and sung to sleep. There are nights that I have ended up sleeping in the armchair next to his bed because I know he will be up again in a matter of minutes. I am aware that this is teaching him nothing but the wrong habits, and need to find a way to teach him how to re-settle in the night. All my experience and reading shows that babies who settle themselves to sleep when they go to bed tend to re-settle themselves in the night unless they have a genuine problem. I am also aware that the longer I wait to do this the older he will be and the more entrenched his habits will be.

Night 1
7:10 He is laid in bed: bathed, massaged, nursed, sung to and snuggled. He plays with his friends for a moment before understanding that he is alone and needs to sleep. The cries are distressed and powerful, but not overwhelming. Even through them I can hear how tired he is. My beautiful boy needs to release himself into slumber.
7:20 I go to him, pat, stroke, soothe and try to lull him a little calmer. He cannot understand why I don’t pick him up. I sing to him but he cannot hear. His cries are alternating: full of yawns then anguish.
7:30 I go again. My god this hurts. He is full of incomprehension, as I stroke him and kiss away his tears. I repeat my mantra: ‘Hush, baby, hush. I love you, boy. It’s time to sleep’ and sing him his favourite lullaby. His cries are less desperate and more exhausted.
7:40 Though I am due to go to him; I can hear the gaps in his cries are full of slumber. I’ll give it another couple of minutes because I don’t want my emotions and love to re-awaken him. It hurts not to go when I am sitting here counting the minutes.
7:45 He is asleep.

Day 2
Last night he slept well, waking only a couple of times other than for his feeds and dropping off again without tears. But today he has barely napped- brief sleeps at 9am, noon and 2:30. He was clingy and fussy all day, but did feed well. I anticipate a rough evening. I fear that the bond we have will be damaged by this process- my love for him is so powerful, but when he looks at me so sadly and I don’t give him the tenderness he asks for he cannot understand.

Night 2
7:02 I lay him down really drowsy and kiss him goodnight. When I leave, he immediately starts crying loudly.
7:10 All is quiet- is he asleep? Yes! He is, but do not feel too good because when you do, that is when the shit goes bad! I love ya!- matty

Day 3
He slept well last night, waking for his feeds at around the right time, and resettling quickly. This morning we all woke up around 7:15- unheard of! The nap-routine was going well, he had a 45 minute nap from 9am in the pram after dropping Imogen off, and was ready for his lunchtime nap by 1. After an hour of sleep, though, Imogen woke him up. He wouldn’t resettle, even with another feed, as the edge had been taken off his tiredness. As a result the whole afternoon was a tearful and clingy one. Now it looks like I’ll have real trouble keeping him up until 7.

Night 3
6:00 I lay him down after possibly the largest dinner ever (spinach bake followed by pear puree with yoghurt), and a good long breast feed. He has been so sad this afternoon- really exhausted. I hope that this is not going to result in an over-tired boy who resists sleep for hours.
6:10 I go to him and try to soothe him. I lay my hands on firmly and calmly (!) I kiss him and tell him that I love him, but he needs to go to sleep. His kisses are fierce and he looks at me with such incomprehension it breaks my heart. He never stops crying whilst I am there. When I leave the room I read in Dr Sears’ book about ‘crying up’ versus ‘crying down’. The theory is that one is a move towards more distress and away from sleep, the other a step in the right direction. I listen hopefully for the crying to calm. It seems to be doing so at times, but then picks up again. My visits seem to make him sadder, not calmer. My reading says that at this point I should increase the gaps between my visits by five minutes. Every moment is heart-wrenching, but I will try.
6:25 I go in and kiss him and sing to him. Again I repeat my mantra. He looks devastated and I sit and sob when I leave him as his cries echo on. This goes against all I want to do, all that my heart speaks. But only moments later he is quiet. He is asleep. What has felt like an eternity has been less than half an hour.

I'll let you know how things progress.

I'm back, and looking at preschools!

Sorry for the break. We just had our big community art fair (for which I volunteer) over Labor Day weekend, and things haven't really calmed down since it ended. I've been meeting with architects about working on the house, organizing my high school reunion, and researching preschools for Esme. I'm exhausted. (Do I say that a lot on this blog? Exhaustion seems to be a theme for parenthood.)

But on to the topic of the post: preschools. We have been researching preschools for Esme. She currently goes to daycare that has some preschool elements, but I'm seriously considering moving her to a more official preschool. It's not an easy decision, though. She loves the Secret Garden Daycare, where she goes now. It's run out of a friend's house, and is such a wonderful spot for children. But is she getting what she needs there? What's the function of preschool? Well, there are about as many answers to that question as there are preschools dotting the country. There are so many ways to break it down and analyze the various options. But lately, I've been smitten by the Montessori method.

While many teachers would say the purpose of preschool is to socialize children and get them used to a classroom setting, the Montessori method says that preschool should be about allowing the child to educate him or herself. The Montessori classroom is filled with games and activities all neatly arranged on child-size shelves. While the 3-year-old (or 4 or 5-year-old) is playing with the toys, they are actually doing work on an area of development. Each of the activities is designed to help the child's mastery of some specific skill. Of course, you can read about the Montessori method all day, but to understand it, I think you have to see a classroom in progress.

The first Montessori school we looked at was a small, two-room preschool. As we entered, the children were all quietly and happily working away at little tables, matching up pegs of wood that showed gradations of colors, spelling out words, scooping beads from one dish to another. The children were absolutely focused on their work. Of course, they're not expected to do that all day long. There are snack and meal breaks, outdoor play, etc., but the child is given the freedom to pursue their own activities during set work times, and the children seem to thrive in this atmosphere.

It's not that I'm worried about Esme's academics at this age. There shouldn't be so much pressure around preschool, as each child develops differently. But I think that providing an atmosphere that recognizes different stages of development and fosters a sense of joy in education is the best thing that we can do for our children.

Of course, getting into one of these preschools is another story, and another blog post. Thus far, we're playing the waiting list game. And I thought that would be something I would only hear when Esme was ready to apply for college!

Welcome to my nightmare

Ah, the nights of my baby sleeping sweetly for hours has come to and end. As with his sister, Atticus was an increasingly good sleeper as an infant- notching up a full night (well 8pm-5am) by about 3 months. However, yet again, here I am at 6 months with an otherwise settled and happy baby who wakes literally every hour throughout the night crying sadly. Is it separation anxiety? Teething? Increased mobility flipping him onto his face or back? I don't know and I don't know how to fix it.

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I do know what not to do. I am not nursing him every time he wakes, but do feed him when hungry (usually around 11pm, 4am and 7 am). Right now he is up for the 7th time in the hour since I put him to bed. It goes without saying that we are all shattered beyond reconition and ready to try almost anything.

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He has a beautiful bedtime routine: family dinner, bath, massage, song, breast, more songs and snuggles; and a regular bedtime. He loves his crib, and wakes up in the morning to gurgle and coo at the silk veils and rainbow mobile of paper cranes and his sister's face peeping in.

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He is feeding well during the day- both solids and breast-milk, and is otherwise thriving. I know that this is probably my doing somehow, and have always found sleep to be the hardest aspect of parenting my children, as the best of plans made in the light and logic of day can go out of the window in the somnabulic state of the early hours. I just hope I can find a solution that doesn't require crying it out for hours at a time.