Esme is two and a half years old, and while I keep telling myself it's just the age, I'm not so sure. The only thing I'm sure about is that she is finding all of our buttons and pressing them for all she's worth.
We use time out. She has to sit still for two minutes (minutes = age, per all the experts' advice) and tell us why she's in time out before she can get up. But lately, I swear, it's like she wants to get in trouble. She refuses to answer questions when spoken to, she almost never says "please" without being reminded to, she knocks her baby brother over, and perhaps the worst thing is that she gives us this obnoxious attitude. Today we had a chat about okay behavior versus not-okay behavior, and I asked her if she liked going to time out. She answered yes, she liked it, and that she liked it when Mom and Dad got mad at her. So I gave her time out again, watched her scream and yell, only to tell me afterwards again that she liked it. What's up? Are we raising a masochist? It seems like a stupid way to test boundaries to me, but I have to be honest: I don't understand what she's doing.
Esme has always been an incredibly sweet child. But lately, she has gotten very bossy, using her Command Voice rather than talking politely. It's driving me so crazy that we have started sending her to her room and closing the door. The first time I did this, Jacob was shocked. "You can't lock her in her room," he said. But her behavior quickly improved. Tonight, I heard him warn her, "I'm going to put you in your room and close the door if you continue to behave like this." I guess he's decided it's not such evil punishment after all. There has to be some recourse if time out isn't working.
We don't feel good about doing it. But what do you do when your child refuses to listen to you and acts like a brat? I'm hoping this is a phase, and short one at that. I firmly believe that discipline and boundaries are important for young children. Structure and limits enable a toddler to thrive. But dealing with a preschooler who is testing those limits plum wears me out. I guess it's time to hit the child psychology books again, trying to find that fine line between allowing my child to walk all over me and scarring her permanently with our methods of discipline. My guess is that it's like most things - only found in personal experience rather than in academic texts. Of course, Jacob's dad pointed out once that she's likely to be sitting on a therapists' couch complaining some day regardless of what we do.
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2 comments:
Anna's discipline "problems" have spiked too. I should probably be reading a bit more about how to set up a good discipline framework, but I just can't imagine I'd luck out and get to the book(s) in the billion or so that are out there on child rearing/discipline which work for me in my situation. So, I'm muddling my way through and so far I think we're doing okay.
My observations. . . Part of it is definitely related to having to compete with the younger sibling. Part of it is seeing how other kids at daycare, preschool, the grocery store, etc. relate to adults and wanting to try it out for herself. In both cases, the core need seems to be a basic desire for attention. So now we're working on driving home an understanding of "good" and "bad" attention and what actions lead to getting each kind. There are probably other parts to the overall picture . . . I'll noodle through them when I get a clearer read on what they are.
I agree with your observations wholeheartedly. I think that 1) sibling, and 2) other kids' behavior at school, are two major factors. I also agree that it's a ploy for attention.
I came across this book in my research yesterday, and it appears to be something of a Bible on discipline: Positive Discipline, by Jane Nelsen. http://amazon.com/o/ASIN/0345402510/ref=s9_asin_image_1-1966_g1/002-8947994-3978413?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=center-2&pf_rd_r=06XWS3VF7N0AFKYS4YTD&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=278240301&pf_rd_i=507846
I think I'll look for it at the library.
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