This is a hard entry to write, but I've got to do it. I'm taking a break from the blog for a while. We're down to almost no childcare now, and being Mommy is such a full time job that I can't seem to squeeze anything else in: no trips to the gym, no writing, no anything but dancing and singing and doing puzzles and artwork and going on hikes and changing diapers and cooking and cleaning. In short, all those domestic, family things that make me feel like I've been shuttled unawares back in time to the 1950s.
It's not bad. Especially the playing part. The cleaning part I could do without, but every job has its dirty work. So until later, I'm signing off. If we manage to find a part-time nanny, then perhaps I'll pick it up again. So wish me luck.
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Thursday, October 4, 2007
To sleep, perchance to dream . . .
After a brutal first 5 days trying to teach Atticus to settle himself to sleep, I can report a little light at the end of the tunnel. He has a wonderful, long bedtime routine and now usually drops off to sleep without crying. We still have night-feeds to contend with, and I'm trying to work out where I stand on that one, but in general he is sleeping solidly from 7pm-1am. The witching hour comes around 4am when he really wants to get up and at the world. In the early days I would just tuck him in bed next to me and nurse him until I was ready to get up. Now, if I try that, he nurses and then gets up to play- thinking he's just had breakfast. So, we need to find a common ground there but, for now at least, there is a little sleep happening in our house.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Toy recall continues
As I predicted in an earlier post, the toy recalls continue. And you can be sure that they will never discover all the lead-painted toys that have been sold to children. Just another reason to either by from local artisans, or to develop creative toys on your own for your children. My kids can spend weeks playing with a cardboard box.
Monday, September 24, 2007
Imaginary Friends
Yesterday, Esme started looking up to the top of the redwood trees and yelling, "Hey guys, what you doing up there?" I asked her who she was talking to, and she answered, "My friends." Where are they, I wanted to know. "Up there, Mommy," she gestured as if pointing out the most obvious thing in the world. "On top of the trees!"
It wasn't the first time I've encountered her friends. She talks to them all the time, assuming an authoritative voice that she seldom gets to use with Mom or Dad. I've asked her about her friends before, and she tells me that they are adult women. She gives varying answers on how many there are, but she assures me that they are not children and she refuses to tell me whether they have names. That's fine with me, though. It's her world and they are her friends, and when she's talking to them she doesn't like me to pry.
Why do kids have imaginary friends, and is it a healthy phenomena? An old article in Slate says that current thinking has cast a kinder light on pretend friends than Dr. Spock used to. I recall my mom telling me about the day her own mother took her to to the train station so that they could see her imaginary friend off to some other place. Nanny had gotten tired of being told she couldn't sit in that seat b/c the pretend friend was there. Apparently, the train ride worked. The friend was gone for good.
Since Esme's friends don't seem interested in my chairs (they were last seen on top of the guest house roof), I don't mind having them around. I think that they are a good sign of a healthy imagination, and that they help Esme role play to learn about social dynamics. But I can tell you this - I sure am glad that Emil was born. If we had decided to only have one child, I fear I would interpret Esme's imaginary friends as loneliness and longing for a sibling. Now I know it's just Esme, learning about the world around her.
It wasn't the first time I've encountered her friends. She talks to them all the time, assuming an authoritative voice that she seldom gets to use with Mom or Dad. I've asked her about her friends before, and she tells me that they are adult women. She gives varying answers on how many there are, but she assures me that they are not children and she refuses to tell me whether they have names. That's fine with me, though. It's her world and they are her friends, and when she's talking to them she doesn't like me to pry.
Why do kids have imaginary friends, and is it a healthy phenomena? An old article in Slate says that current thinking has cast a kinder light on pretend friends than Dr. Spock used to. I recall my mom telling me about the day her own mother took her to to the train station so that they could see her imaginary friend off to some other place. Nanny had gotten tired of being told she couldn't sit in that seat b/c the pretend friend was there. Apparently, the train ride worked. The friend was gone for good.
Since Esme's friends don't seem interested in my chairs (they were last seen on top of the guest house roof), I don't mind having them around. I think that they are a good sign of a healthy imagination, and that they help Esme role play to learn about social dynamics. But I can tell you this - I sure am glad that Emil was born. If we had decided to only have one child, I fear I would interpret Esme's imaginary friends as loneliness and longing for a sibling. Now I know it's just Esme, learning about the world around her.
Friday, September 21, 2007
Letter to Southwest
Here's the text of my letter to Southwest Airlines, in case anyone would like to borrow the language:
September 21, 2007
Mr. Gary Kelly
Chief Executive Officer
Southwest Airlines
P.O. Box 36647 - 1CR
Dallas, Texas 75235-1647
Dear Mr. Kelly,
I was disturbed to read that you were discontinuing the policy to allow families with young children to board first. Your comment that it wasn’t fair shows how little you must have traveled with young children. That is similar to saying it’s not fair for someone to have to offer a seat to an elderly person on the subway. Traveling with very young children is simply more difficult than traveling with adults, which is why this policy was instituted in the first place and is respected by almost every major airline.
As flying has become more uncomfortable in almost every way over the past several years, this is a measure that will make it significantly worse for families to travel. I can tell you that this change in policy will affect my choice in airlines.
I urge you to reconsider the proposed change.
Sincerely,
Aeron Noe
September 21, 2007
Mr. Gary Kelly
Chief Executive Officer
Southwest Airlines
P.O. Box 36647 - 1CR
Dallas, Texas 75235-1647
Dear Mr. Kelly,
I was disturbed to read that you were discontinuing the policy to allow families with young children to board first. Your comment that it wasn’t fair shows how little you must have traveled with young children. That is similar to saying it’s not fair for someone to have to offer a seat to an elderly person on the subway. Traveling with very young children is simply more difficult than traveling with adults, which is why this policy was instituted in the first place and is respected by almost every major airline.
As flying has become more uncomfortable in almost every way over the past several years, this is a measure that will make it significantly worse for families to travel. I can tell you that this change in policy will affect my choice in airlines.
I urge you to reconsider the proposed change.
Sincerely,
Aeron Noe
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Avoid Southwest!!!!
Southwest Airlines is ending its practice of allowing families with young children to board first (a practice that is almost universally observed across airlines). From an article in the SF Chronicle: "Kelly (Southwest's CEO) said Southwest will cease preboarding families with children under 4, effective Oct. 2. He said he did not think it was fair for those passengers to automatically board first."
Not fair? Okay, so let's risk separating a mother from her infant. That sounds fair, doesn't it? What's wrong with people when they fail to recognize that there are simple signs of respect in society. You offer your seat on a crowded subway to an elderly person or someone with a small child. You let people with small children board the plane first. I have a strong feeling that Good Ole Mr. Kelly doesn't hold doors open for people, either. He's certainly no gentleman making this change to their policy.
Unfortunately, I have a flight scheduled on Southwest Airlines in just a few weeks! But after that, I think I will avoid the airline. Traveling with children is more difficult than traveling without children. I don't need to fly airlines that make it even more difficult.
I'm urging everyone to write Southwest to urge them to rethink this change in policy:
Gary Kelly, CEO
Southwest Airlines
P.O. Box 36647 - 1CR
Dallas, Texas 75235-1647
If Southwest gets away with it, what's to stop other airlines from following suit?
Not fair? Okay, so let's risk separating a mother from her infant. That sounds fair, doesn't it? What's wrong with people when they fail to recognize that there are simple signs of respect in society. You offer your seat on a crowded subway to an elderly person or someone with a small child. You let people with small children board the plane first. I have a strong feeling that Good Ole Mr. Kelly doesn't hold doors open for people, either. He's certainly no gentleman making this change to their policy.
Unfortunately, I have a flight scheduled on Southwest Airlines in just a few weeks! But after that, I think I will avoid the airline. Traveling with children is more difficult than traveling without children. I don't need to fly airlines that make it even more difficult.
I'm urging everyone to write Southwest to urge them to rethink this change in policy:
Gary Kelly, CEO
Southwest Airlines
P.O. Box 36647 - 1CR
Dallas, Texas 75235-1647
If Southwest gets away with it, what's to stop other airlines from following suit?
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Toys toys toys!
There are so many toys out there! And I have to confess that I love toy shopping. We're coming up on both the kids' birthdays, and my brain is starting to sort through all the gift possibilities. Living in a small house means we need to be thoughtful in the toys we keep around. Nothing too big, nothing that can't be easily stored away.
One of the coolest things about having children is getting back some of that childhood excitement. When Esme or Emil get presents, I feel their butterflies. At the same time, there are so many considerations when selecting toys. Emil puts everything in his mouth, so we have to keep all choking-sized toys put away. Then there are the annoying toys that beep and buzz and make electronic noises. Of course, real instruments are fine with me. A kid banging on pots and pans doesn't chip away at my sanity like a bad recording of a bad song on a never-ending 5-second loop does.
But should toys also be educational? And what does educational mean? I think that the best toys for 3 and under offer developmentally appropriate challenges for their fine and gross motor skills, adding other concepts like shapes and colors as they go. A classic wooden shape sorter is a favorite in our house. Puzzles are also extremely popular. But then there are the "pretend" toys, which are great, too. What we try to avoid are toys that come "packaged" with a story already. So characters from TV, for example, have a history that comes with the branded toy. This limits the child's imagination, so I try to avoid Disney-style toys.
Of course, it has come out recently that many of these toys may be health hazards for our children, too. Most of the mass-produced, Chinese-manufactured toys that have been recalled due to lead paint concerns are these big brand, plastic toys. If you have toys like this in your house, you might want to test them yourself for lead, since you can almost guarantee that they won't discover/recall all the toys that have lead. The recall is just the tip of the iceberg - it's more likely that there is systematic use of lead in Chinese-made toys. There is a company called LeadCheck that provides simple swabs for surfaces, costing $18.45 for an 8-swab test kit.
This means that there is more reason than ever to choose more simple, artful toys that are not branded and mass-produced in China, but rather are handcrafted from organic materials. Some of my favorite stores are online, including Hearthsong and Oompa. Emily also keyed me in to Nova.
All this typing about toys has gotten me excited. I'm going to do some surfing now to decide what little gifts Esme and Emil are going to get to mark a new year of life!
One of the coolest things about having children is getting back some of that childhood excitement. When Esme or Emil get presents, I feel their butterflies. At the same time, there are so many considerations when selecting toys. Emil puts everything in his mouth, so we have to keep all choking-sized toys put away. Then there are the annoying toys that beep and buzz and make electronic noises. Of course, real instruments are fine with me. A kid banging on pots and pans doesn't chip away at my sanity like a bad recording of a bad song on a never-ending 5-second loop does.
But should toys also be educational? And what does educational mean? I think that the best toys for 3 and under offer developmentally appropriate challenges for their fine and gross motor skills, adding other concepts like shapes and colors as they go. A classic wooden shape sorter is a favorite in our house. Puzzles are also extremely popular. But then there are the "pretend" toys, which are great, too. What we try to avoid are toys that come "packaged" with a story already. So characters from TV, for example, have a history that comes with the branded toy. This limits the child's imagination, so I try to avoid Disney-style toys.
Of course, it has come out recently that many of these toys may be health hazards for our children, too. Most of the mass-produced, Chinese-manufactured toys that have been recalled due to lead paint concerns are these big brand, plastic toys. If you have toys like this in your house, you might want to test them yourself for lead, since you can almost guarantee that they won't discover/recall all the toys that have lead. The recall is just the tip of the iceberg - it's more likely that there is systematic use of lead in Chinese-made toys. There is a company called LeadCheck that provides simple swabs for surfaces, costing $18.45 for an 8-swab test kit.
This means that there is more reason than ever to choose more simple, artful toys that are not branded and mass-produced in China, but rather are handcrafted from organic materials. Some of my favorite stores are online, including Hearthsong and Oompa. Emily also keyed me in to Nova.
All this typing about toys has gotten me excited. I'm going to do some surfing now to decide what little gifts Esme and Emil are going to get to mark a new year of life!
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Sleep-training Atticus
After over a month of constant night-waking and difficulty settling, we have determined to use a ‘crying-down’ period to help Atticus learn to sleep. It is heart-breaking. He is six and a half months and is a beautiful, happy, energetic baby. He was weaned onto some solids at 5 months and now has three good meals a day, plus milk-feeds on demand. At night I nurse him at my bedtime, then around 3 or 4am, then breakfast. I feel confident that he no longer needs much more than just the middle of the night feed, as he now wakes without being hungry and often waits a good half an hour before nursing, this morning is was closer to an hour. I am utterly exhausted from his most recent bout of sleeplessness- he is currently waking over a dozen times a night, needing to be rocked and sung to sleep. There are nights that I have ended up sleeping in the armchair next to his bed because I know he will be up again in a matter of minutes. I am aware that this is teaching him nothing but the wrong habits, and need to find a way to teach him how to re-settle in the night. All my experience and reading shows that babies who settle themselves to sleep when they go to bed tend to re-settle themselves in the night unless they have a genuine problem. I am also aware that the longer I wait to do this the older he will be and the more entrenched his habits will be.
Night 1
7:10 He is laid in bed: bathed, massaged, nursed, sung to and snuggled. He plays with his friends for a moment before understanding that he is alone and needs to sleep. The cries are distressed and powerful, but not overwhelming. Even through them I can hear how tired he is. My beautiful boy needs to release himself into slumber.
7:20 I go to him, pat, stroke, soothe and try to lull him a little calmer. He cannot understand why I don’t pick him up. I sing to him but he cannot hear. His cries are alternating: full of yawns then anguish.
7:30 I go again. My god this hurts. He is full of incomprehension, as I stroke him and kiss away his tears. I repeat my mantra: ‘Hush, baby, hush. I love you, boy. It’s time to sleep’ and sing him his favourite lullaby. His cries are less desperate and more exhausted.
7:40 Though I am due to go to him; I can hear the gaps in his cries are full of slumber. I’ll give it another couple of minutes because I don’t want my emotions and love to re-awaken him. It hurts not to go when I am sitting here counting the minutes.
7:45 He is asleep.
Day 2
Last night he slept well, waking only a couple of times other than for his feeds and dropping off again without tears. But today he has barely napped- brief sleeps at 9am, noon and 2:30. He was clingy and fussy all day, but did feed well. I anticipate a rough evening. I fear that the bond we have will be damaged by this process- my love for him is so powerful, but when he looks at me so sadly and I don’t give him the tenderness he asks for he cannot understand.
Night 2
7:02 I lay him down really drowsy and kiss him goodnight. When I leave, he immediately starts crying loudly.
7:10 All is quiet- is he asleep? Yes! He is, but do not feel too good because when you do, that is when the shit goes bad! I love ya!- matty
Day 3
He slept well last night, waking for his feeds at around the right time, and resettling quickly. This morning we all woke up around 7:15- unheard of! The nap-routine was going well, he had a 45 minute nap from 9am in the pram after dropping Imogen off, and was ready for his lunchtime nap by 1. After an hour of sleep, though, Imogen woke him up. He wouldn’t resettle, even with another feed, as the edge had been taken off his tiredness. As a result the whole afternoon was a tearful and clingy one. Now it looks like I’ll have real trouble keeping him up until 7.
Night 3
6:00 I lay him down after possibly the largest dinner ever (spinach bake followed by pear puree with yoghurt), and a good long breast feed. He has been so sad this afternoon- really exhausted. I hope that this is not going to result in an over-tired boy who resists sleep for hours.
6:10 I go to him and try to soothe him. I lay my hands on firmly and calmly (!) I kiss him and tell him that I love him, but he needs to go to sleep. His kisses are fierce and he looks at me with such incomprehension it breaks my heart. He never stops crying whilst I am there. When I leave the room I read in Dr Sears’ book about ‘crying up’ versus ‘crying down’. The theory is that one is a move towards more distress and away from sleep, the other a step in the right direction. I listen hopefully for the crying to calm. It seems to be doing so at times, but then picks up again. My visits seem to make him sadder, not calmer. My reading says that at this point I should increase the gaps between my visits by five minutes. Every moment is heart-wrenching, but I will try.
6:25 I go in and kiss him and sing to him. Again I repeat my mantra. He looks devastated and I sit and sob when I leave him as his cries echo on. This goes against all I want to do, all that my heart speaks. But only moments later he is quiet. He is asleep. What has felt like an eternity has been less than half an hour.
I'll let you know how things progress.
Night 1
7:10 He is laid in bed: bathed, massaged, nursed, sung to and snuggled. He plays with his friends for a moment before understanding that he is alone and needs to sleep. The cries are distressed and powerful, but not overwhelming. Even through them I can hear how tired he is. My beautiful boy needs to release himself into slumber.
7:20 I go to him, pat, stroke, soothe and try to lull him a little calmer. He cannot understand why I don’t pick him up. I sing to him but he cannot hear. His cries are alternating: full of yawns then anguish.
7:30 I go again. My god this hurts. He is full of incomprehension, as I stroke him and kiss away his tears. I repeat my mantra: ‘Hush, baby, hush. I love you, boy. It’s time to sleep’ and sing him his favourite lullaby. His cries are less desperate and more exhausted.
7:40 Though I am due to go to him; I can hear the gaps in his cries are full of slumber. I’ll give it another couple of minutes because I don’t want my emotions and love to re-awaken him. It hurts not to go when I am sitting here counting the minutes.
7:45 He is asleep.
Day 2
Last night he slept well, waking only a couple of times other than for his feeds and dropping off again without tears. But today he has barely napped- brief sleeps at 9am, noon and 2:30. He was clingy and fussy all day, but did feed well. I anticipate a rough evening. I fear that the bond we have will be damaged by this process- my love for him is so powerful, but when he looks at me so sadly and I don’t give him the tenderness he asks for he cannot understand.
Night 2
7:02 I lay him down really drowsy and kiss him goodnight. When I leave, he immediately starts crying loudly.
7:10 All is quiet- is he asleep? Yes! He is, but do not feel too good because when you do, that is when the shit goes bad! I love ya!- matty
Day 3
He slept well last night, waking for his feeds at around the right time, and resettling quickly. This morning we all woke up around 7:15- unheard of! The nap-routine was going well, he had a 45 minute nap from 9am in the pram after dropping Imogen off, and was ready for his lunchtime nap by 1. After an hour of sleep, though, Imogen woke him up. He wouldn’t resettle, even with another feed, as the edge had been taken off his tiredness. As a result the whole afternoon was a tearful and clingy one. Now it looks like I’ll have real trouble keeping him up until 7.
Night 3
6:00 I lay him down after possibly the largest dinner ever (spinach bake followed by pear puree with yoghurt), and a good long breast feed. He has been so sad this afternoon- really exhausted. I hope that this is not going to result in an over-tired boy who resists sleep for hours.
6:10 I go to him and try to soothe him. I lay my hands on firmly and calmly (!) I kiss him and tell him that I love him, but he needs to go to sleep. His kisses are fierce and he looks at me with such incomprehension it breaks my heart. He never stops crying whilst I am there. When I leave the room I read in Dr Sears’ book about ‘crying up’ versus ‘crying down’. The theory is that one is a move towards more distress and away from sleep, the other a step in the right direction. I listen hopefully for the crying to calm. It seems to be doing so at times, but then picks up again. My visits seem to make him sadder, not calmer. My reading says that at this point I should increase the gaps between my visits by five minutes. Every moment is heart-wrenching, but I will try.
6:25 I go in and kiss him and sing to him. Again I repeat my mantra. He looks devastated and I sit and sob when I leave him as his cries echo on. This goes against all I want to do, all that my heart speaks. But only moments later he is quiet. He is asleep. What has felt like an eternity has been less than half an hour.
I'll let you know how things progress.
Monday, September 10, 2007
I'm back, and looking at preschools!
Sorry for the break. We just had our big community art fair (for which I volunteer) over Labor Day weekend, and things haven't really calmed down since it ended. I've been meeting with architects about working on the house, organizing my high school reunion, and researching preschools for Esme. I'm exhausted. (Do I say that a lot on this blog? Exhaustion seems to be a theme for parenthood.)
But on to the topic of the post: preschools. We have been researching preschools for Esme. She currently goes to daycare that has some preschool elements, but I'm seriously considering moving her to a more official preschool. It's not an easy decision, though. She loves the Secret Garden Daycare, where she goes now. It's run out of a friend's house, and is such a wonderful spot for children. But is she getting what she needs there? What's the function of preschool? Well, there are about as many answers to that question as there are preschools dotting the country. There are so many ways to break it down and analyze the various options. But lately, I've been smitten by the Montessori method.
While many teachers would say the purpose of preschool is to socialize children and get them used to a classroom setting, the Montessori method says that preschool should be about allowing the child to educate him or herself. The Montessori classroom is filled with games and activities all neatly arranged on child-size shelves. While the 3-year-old (or 4 or 5-year-old) is playing with the toys, they are actually doing work on an area of development. Each of the activities is designed to help the child's mastery of some specific skill. Of course, you can read about the Montessori method all day, but to understand it, I think you have to see a classroom in progress.
The first Montessori school we looked at was a small, two-room preschool. As we entered, the children were all quietly and happily working away at little tables, matching up pegs of wood that showed gradations of colors, spelling out words, scooping beads from one dish to another. The children were absolutely focused on their work. Of course, they're not expected to do that all day long. There are snack and meal breaks, outdoor play, etc., but the child is given the freedom to pursue their own activities during set work times, and the children seem to thrive in this atmosphere.
It's not that I'm worried about Esme's academics at this age. There shouldn't be so much pressure around preschool, as each child develops differently. But I think that providing an atmosphere that recognizes different stages of development and fosters a sense of joy in education is the best thing that we can do for our children.
Of course, getting into one of these preschools is another story, and another blog post. Thus far, we're playing the waiting list game. And I thought that would be something I would only hear when Esme was ready to apply for college!
But on to the topic of the post: preschools. We have been researching preschools for Esme. She currently goes to daycare that has some preschool elements, but I'm seriously considering moving her to a more official preschool. It's not an easy decision, though. She loves the Secret Garden Daycare, where she goes now. It's run out of a friend's house, and is such a wonderful spot for children. But is she getting what she needs there? What's the function of preschool? Well, there are about as many answers to that question as there are preschools dotting the country. There are so many ways to break it down and analyze the various options. But lately, I've been smitten by the Montessori method.
While many teachers would say the purpose of preschool is to socialize children and get them used to a classroom setting, the Montessori method says that preschool should be about allowing the child to educate him or herself. The Montessori classroom is filled with games and activities all neatly arranged on child-size shelves. While the 3-year-old (or 4 or 5-year-old) is playing with the toys, they are actually doing work on an area of development. Each of the activities is designed to help the child's mastery of some specific skill. Of course, you can read about the Montessori method all day, but to understand it, I think you have to see a classroom in progress.
The first Montessori school we looked at was a small, two-room preschool. As we entered, the children were all quietly and happily working away at little tables, matching up pegs of wood that showed gradations of colors, spelling out words, scooping beads from one dish to another. The children were absolutely focused on their work. Of course, they're not expected to do that all day long. There are snack and meal breaks, outdoor play, etc., but the child is given the freedom to pursue their own activities during set work times, and the children seem to thrive in this atmosphere.
It's not that I'm worried about Esme's academics at this age. There shouldn't be so much pressure around preschool, as each child develops differently. But I think that providing an atmosphere that recognizes different stages of development and fosters a sense of joy in education is the best thing that we can do for our children.
Of course, getting into one of these preschools is another story, and another blog post. Thus far, we're playing the waiting list game. And I thought that would be something I would only hear when Esme was ready to apply for college!
Welcome to my nightmare
Ah, the nights of my baby sleeping sweetly for hours has come to and end. As with his sister, Atticus was an increasingly good sleeper as an infant- notching up a full night (well 8pm-5am) by about 3 months. However, yet again, here I am at 6 months with an otherwise settled and happy baby who wakes literally every hour throughout the night crying sadly. Is it separation anxiety? Teething? Increased mobility flipping him onto his face or back? I don't know and I don't know how to fix it.
.
I do know what not to do. I am not nursing him every time he wakes, but do feed him when hungry (usually around 11pm, 4am and 7 am). Right now he is up for the 7th time in the hour since I put him to bed. It goes without saying that we are all shattered beyond reconition and ready to try almost anything.
.
He has a beautiful bedtime routine: family dinner, bath, massage, song, breast, more songs and snuggles; and a regular bedtime. He loves his crib, and wakes up in the morning to gurgle and coo at the silk veils and rainbow mobile of paper cranes and his sister's face peeping in.
.
He is feeding well during the day- both solids and breast-milk, and is otherwise thriving. I know that this is probably my doing somehow, and have always found sleep to be the hardest aspect of parenting my children, as the best of plans made in the light and logic of day can go out of the window in the somnabulic state of the early hours. I just hope I can find a solution that doesn't require crying it out for hours at a time.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Imitating the creatures in my care
Yoga class was splendid, a solid hour and a half to stretch my muscles and focus on my breathing. At the beginning of the class, the teacher asked us to set an intention for our practice. It's yoga psycho-babble, I know, but somehow I know what she means. By setting an intention, we focus our energy. Lately, my intention always seems to be practice patience with Esme, what with all our potty training trouble. But since I've let her back into diapers, I just relaxed into the yoga session and let it be what it would.
As I moved through the postures, child's pose (Esme sleeping), happy baby (Emil laughing on the floor after being tickled), downward dog (Cleo begging me to play with her), it struck me that I was shedding my caretaker role and trying to get back some of the focus on myself through my yoga practice. The children and the dogs are always my focus these days. This was about me getting the freedom to be like a little kid or a playful puppy dog. It was an interval of freedom from responsibility.
At the end of the yoga session, the teacher said, "Now think of something you're grateful for." My answer to this is almost always the same: I am grateful for my family. But this time, my response was different. I was grateful for the yoga class, for reminding me to take care of myself.
As I moved through the postures, child's pose (Esme sleeping), happy baby (Emil laughing on the floor after being tickled), downward dog (Cleo begging me to play with her), it struck me that I was shedding my caretaker role and trying to get back some of the focus on myself through my yoga practice. The children and the dogs are always my focus these days. This was about me getting the freedom to be like a little kid or a playful puppy dog. It was an interval of freedom from responsibility.
At the end of the yoga session, the teacher said, "Now think of something you're grateful for." My answer to this is almost always the same: I am grateful for my family. But this time, my response was different. I was grateful for the yoga class, for reminding me to take care of myself.
Friday, August 24, 2007
The Power of Uni-tasking
I have trudged through days where I felt like I was busy as could be, but at the end of the day there were no finished tasks to point to and say, "Look what I've accomplished." Flitting around from one thing to another, I couldn't seem to complete anything.
So I had to resort to drastic measures. I've started to turn off my computer during the day. Now I only allow myself to get online a few times a day. So maybe I haven't severed this digital umbilical cord to the world, but I have limited my reliance on it with profound results. Suddenly, I can concentrate and plow through a single task. Even those tasks that are too big to ever seem to complete (like pulling that rampant, weedy periwinkle from the yard) are being tackled in greater blocks.
I suspect that I'm not the only person addicted to email. I have checked it religiously for years now, probably hundreds of times a day. After checking my inbox, I then surf my favorite news sites or browse sites that offer information on something I'm researching. If I added up all the scraps of minutes spent on email and random website surfing, I would have a sizeable chunk of my day returned to me. That's why I've decided to become a uni-tasker, a task that could only be achieved once I shut off my Mac. The interesting side effect of this effort is a change in my mental state as I go to work. I feel more emotionally and mentally present in my tasks when I'm only doing one thing. It's very zen, really. Thich Nhat Hanh would be proud of me. And it's most obvious when I'm doing activities with the children. I spend time with the children and give them my full attention. I'm not trying to cook dinner, answer emails, talk on the phone, clean up, or do anything else. The result is that we have a lot more fun together. That's not to say that the kids are never playing by themselves - because I think it's very important for them to have alone play, and that's when I cook dinner or clean up or do laundry.
By focusing on one thing at a time, I feel a much greater sense of accomplishment when I complete something. I have also found my mind wandering through the language of my actions, playing with words when I'm engaged in more meditative acts, like chopping vegetables or weeding. Phrases that evoke the spirit of my acts, delicious words like the sticky smell of overripe fruit, or the light pink flesh of roots rip from the rocky dirt, just pop into my head, delighting my writer-side. It's almost like I've rediscovered the poetry of the everyday. Who knew that uni-tasking could improve my quality of life so much?
So I had to resort to drastic measures. I've started to turn off my computer during the day. Now I only allow myself to get online a few times a day. So maybe I haven't severed this digital umbilical cord to the world, but I have limited my reliance on it with profound results. Suddenly, I can concentrate and plow through a single task. Even those tasks that are too big to ever seem to complete (like pulling that rampant, weedy periwinkle from the yard) are being tackled in greater blocks.
I suspect that I'm not the only person addicted to email. I have checked it religiously for years now, probably hundreds of times a day. After checking my inbox, I then surf my favorite news sites or browse sites that offer information on something I'm researching. If I added up all the scraps of minutes spent on email and random website surfing, I would have a sizeable chunk of my day returned to me. That's why I've decided to become a uni-tasker, a task that could only be achieved once I shut off my Mac. The interesting side effect of this effort is a change in my mental state as I go to work. I feel more emotionally and mentally present in my tasks when I'm only doing one thing. It's very zen, really. Thich Nhat Hanh would be proud of me. And it's most obvious when I'm doing activities with the children. I spend time with the children and give them my full attention. I'm not trying to cook dinner, answer emails, talk on the phone, clean up, or do anything else. The result is that we have a lot more fun together. That's not to say that the kids are never playing by themselves - because I think it's very important for them to have alone play, and that's when I cook dinner or clean up or do laundry.
By focusing on one thing at a time, I feel a much greater sense of accomplishment when I complete something. I have also found my mind wandering through the language of my actions, playing with words when I'm engaged in more meditative acts, like chopping vegetables or weeding. Phrases that evoke the spirit of my acts, delicious words like the sticky smell of overripe fruit, or the light pink flesh of roots rip from the rocky dirt, just pop into my head, delighting my writer-side. It's almost like I've rediscovered the poetry of the everyday. Who knew that uni-tasking could improve my quality of life so much?
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Admitting defeat
I'm too emotionally exhausted to craft a well-thought out entry today. I will simply say this: I give up.
Esme is in diapers again after a little over a week of wearing underwear. We had some great days that she avoided most accidents. Then there are days like today. First thing this morning, she announced that she didn't need to go potty cause she had already peed. Determined not to let it set the tone for the day, I had her sit on the potty every 15-30 minutes, and it was soon after one of these attempts that she pooped on the floor (she was going nakey-butt because - shock! - all her underwear were in the laundry).
I almost hit her. Her "accident" was so deliberate. Patience expired, I was angry. Then I decided maybe she just needed more attention, so we spent the morning on drawing and painting with water colors, taking regular trips to the bathroom (most resulting in nothing). Then we sat down to lunch and when I asked her if she needed to go potty, she looked sheepish. "I already did." Sure enough, there was a nasty, smooshed up, stinky poop that was going to be a bi_*& to clean out of her underwear.
I won't recount my response, because I'm not proud of it. Let's just say that Esme is back in diapers for the time being. I give up. She wins. And maybe this capitulation of mine shows what was wrong with the whole scenario: it was me against her and her against me. Who was going to control her body? The answer is that she is the only one who can control her body. When will we try out her underwear again? I don't know. I'm just trying not to be bitter about the ordeal, and praying that it doesn't cause a backlash, keeping her in diapers even longer.
Esme is in diapers again after a little over a week of wearing underwear. We had some great days that she avoided most accidents. Then there are days like today. First thing this morning, she announced that she didn't need to go potty cause she had already peed. Determined not to let it set the tone for the day, I had her sit on the potty every 15-30 minutes, and it was soon after one of these attempts that she pooped on the floor (she was going nakey-butt because - shock! - all her underwear were in the laundry).
I almost hit her. Her "accident" was so deliberate. Patience expired, I was angry. Then I decided maybe she just needed more attention, so we spent the morning on drawing and painting with water colors, taking regular trips to the bathroom (most resulting in nothing). Then we sat down to lunch and when I asked her if she needed to go potty, she looked sheepish. "I already did." Sure enough, there was a nasty, smooshed up, stinky poop that was going to be a bi_*& to clean out of her underwear.
I won't recount my response, because I'm not proud of it. Let's just say that Esme is back in diapers for the time being. I give up. She wins. And maybe this capitulation of mine shows what was wrong with the whole scenario: it was me against her and her against me. Who was going to control her body? The answer is that she is the only one who can control her body. When will we try out her underwear again? I don't know. I'm just trying not to be bitter about the ordeal, and praying that it doesn't cause a backlash, keeping her in diapers even longer.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Child's Play
I'm currently on a committee to build a community playground, and I have to confess it's been fun. I've made it my job to seek out the coolest playground equipment and find out who makes it. We live in a rural redwood forested area, and families regularly drive down the hill to playgrounds in the more populated cities of the Peninsula. What we want is a safe, fun place for our children to play that doesn't require a 20 minute drive.
As I watch my own children growing older and becoming increasingly interested in playgrounds, I wonder at how different child rearing is from the days when I was a kid. My parents just used to open the door and let us go. But you can't really do that anymore. There are more cars on the road, and they drive faster. Predators are out there lurking, waiting for their chance to snatch unsupervised children. But I think it's more than a changing world. I think there's more focus on supervising children because we are obsessed with being the best parents we can, and sometimes, by trying too hard, we actually are becoming worse parents.
I was recently speaking with a woman who complained that when she has family friendly parties, the adults all end up sitting on the floor playing barbies with the kids. What happened to kids who could entertain themselves? What happened with being an adult around children, and letting them see how adults behave, rather than always trying to be on the child's level? These are good questions.
The NY Times wrote an article about a book addressing this very topic. It brushes on a lot of topics without going into depth on any of them: pointing out an empty playground (the children were all presumably in front of their tv's), the seismic shift in toys which occurred with the introduction of television (from open-ended imagination toys to toys that are prepackaged with a fantasy life and characters all made up for the children), and the idea that children should always be monitored and should be prohibited from doing anything too dangerous (like throwing balls or skipping rope, as an example of rules from one school).
As usual, it is easy to over-think playtime for our children, but not thinking about it enough could lead to a world of zombies buying all the latest products that dull rather than inspire creativity in our children and possibly even hasten the destruction of the environment (where does all this plastic end up?).
As I watch my own children growing older and becoming increasingly interested in playgrounds, I wonder at how different child rearing is from the days when I was a kid. My parents just used to open the door and let us go. But you can't really do that anymore. There are more cars on the road, and they drive faster. Predators are out there lurking, waiting for their chance to snatch unsupervised children. But I think it's more than a changing world. I think there's more focus on supervising children because we are obsessed with being the best parents we can, and sometimes, by trying too hard, we actually are becoming worse parents.
I was recently speaking with a woman who complained that when she has family friendly parties, the adults all end up sitting on the floor playing barbies with the kids. What happened to kids who could entertain themselves? What happened with being an adult around children, and letting them see how adults behave, rather than always trying to be on the child's level? These are good questions.
The NY Times wrote an article about a book addressing this very topic. It brushes on a lot of topics without going into depth on any of them: pointing out an empty playground (the children were all presumably in front of their tv's), the seismic shift in toys which occurred with the introduction of television (from open-ended imagination toys to toys that are prepackaged with a fantasy life and characters all made up for the children), and the idea that children should always be monitored and should be prohibited from doing anything too dangerous (like throwing balls or skipping rope, as an example of rules from one school).
As usual, it is easy to over-think playtime for our children, but not thinking about it enough could lead to a world of zombies buying all the latest products that dull rather than inspire creativity in our children and possibly even hasten the destruction of the environment (where does all this plastic end up?).
Monday, August 13, 2007
Day 4 of underwear wearing
Esme has been wearing underwear for about 4 days now! She's been having about 3 accidents a day, but she's been using the potty consistently. We're using cloth diapers at nap time and at night. Fingers crossed that this is the turning point! Stay tuned.
Friday, August 10, 2007
Potty problems and feelings of inadequacy
It is rare that I feel absolutely incompetent as a parent. But I have to admit that this is how I'm feeling right now. This potty training effort has me at my wit's end. How long should it take to potty train a child? One person would say, clearly you're child isn't ready yet, and another would say, why aren't you doing this or that? All I can say is that I'm ready to pull my hair out and give my daughter away to the first person who'll take her.
Perhaps the problem is that she is stubborn, a trait she comes by most honestly given that both her her mother and father are incredibly stubborn. You see, she sits on the potty, then gets her diaper or underwear on and immediately pees or poops. She sometimes successfully in the potty, but there are other times that she just refuses. It has me ready to explode! I know I'm not supposed to get mad at her when she has an accident, but what about when I know it wasn't an accident but a decision she made to pee on the floor rather than on the potty? What do I do then? I can tell you, I lose my temper. I'm not proud of it. But I don't think taking it with equilibrium helps either.
Jacob and I have decided to get her in underwear full time (except for bedtime, when she can wear a cloth diaper) for three days to see if that will do the trick. That is what our good friend and nanny extraordinaire Kelly Anne suggested. So far, it's resulted in a frustrating morning with two pee accidents. The first time she peed, she said she forgot she was wearing underwear instead of a diaper. I told her that was okay and cleaned up after her, giving her loving support. The second time it happened, she was standing right next to the potty and told me that she chose to go in her underwear. What do I say to that? There are times it's hard not to curse in front of, or in this instance AT, my children. I didn't curse, and that was an achievement.
Just now, she finally pooped in the potty after holding it in all morning. Afterwards, I asked her, "Aren't you proud of yourself?" Her answer? "No."
I foresee a long and frustrating three days ahead of me.
Perhaps the problem is that she is stubborn, a trait she comes by most honestly given that both her her mother and father are incredibly stubborn. You see, she sits on the potty, then gets her diaper or underwear on and immediately pees or poops. She sometimes successfully in the potty, but there are other times that she just refuses. It has me ready to explode! I know I'm not supposed to get mad at her when she has an accident, but what about when I know it wasn't an accident but a decision she made to pee on the floor rather than on the potty? What do I do then? I can tell you, I lose my temper. I'm not proud of it. But I don't think taking it with equilibrium helps either.
Jacob and I have decided to get her in underwear full time (except for bedtime, when she can wear a cloth diaper) for three days to see if that will do the trick. That is what our good friend and nanny extraordinaire Kelly Anne suggested. So far, it's resulted in a frustrating morning with two pee accidents. The first time she peed, she said she forgot she was wearing underwear instead of a diaper. I told her that was okay and cleaned up after her, giving her loving support. The second time it happened, she was standing right next to the potty and told me that she chose to go in her underwear. What do I say to that? There are times it's hard not to curse in front of, or in this instance AT, my children. I didn't curse, and that was an achievement.
Just now, she finally pooped in the potty after holding it in all morning. Afterwards, I asked her, "Aren't you proud of yourself?" Her answer? "No."
I foresee a long and frustrating three days ahead of me.
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
Baby Einstein's bogus promise - but is TV the devil?
Sorry I've been MIA lately. Between work, volunteer work, and parenting, I'm not sure which end is up these days. And I confess, there are some days that I turn on the TV so I can get dinner ready without having kids pull at my pants legs. Is that so wrong?
Maybe so according to Time magazine. I have to admit that this isn't news to me. Of course TV isn't great for a developing child's brain. The real question is whether it's actually harmful. Is a lower vocabulary based on a child's TV watching, or based on the fact that parents who let their kids watch a lot of TV also neglect to interact with their kids? I don't know. I don't let the children watch TV everyday, or even every other day. But they do watch a little. When I resort to the TV, I'm probably too stressed out to be interacting with them in a positive way anyway. I'll confess, though, that the "Repeat Play" button on the Baby Einstein videos is a a little evil. I wonder if that button appeared before or after Disney bought them out?
Maybe so according to Time magazine. I have to admit that this isn't news to me. Of course TV isn't great for a developing child's brain. The real question is whether it's actually harmful. Is a lower vocabulary based on a child's TV watching, or based on the fact that parents who let their kids watch a lot of TV also neglect to interact with their kids? I don't know. I don't let the children watch TV everyday, or even every other day. But they do watch a little. When I resort to the TV, I'm probably too stressed out to be interacting with them in a positive way anyway. I'll confess, though, that the "Repeat Play" button on the Baby Einstein videos is a a little evil. I wonder if that button appeared before or after Disney bought them out?
Saturday, July 21, 2007
The Children's Room, an anomaly in the age of McMansions
When we got pregnant with Emil, we had a quandary. We live in two bedroom, one bathroom house. Where would we put the new baby? I reasoned that children around the world have shared bedrooms forever. I myself shared a room with my brother until we were about 10. But as we shared the big news with friends, neighbors and family, everyone wanted to know when we were going to move into a bigger house. After all, we live in the age of the McMansion, where every child must have his own bedroom and his own bathroom, in addition to a shared play room/media room.
We decided for the meantime, at least, that the children would be fine sharing a bedroom. We were both nervous about how the kids would sleep, whether they would wake each other up or not. We also worried that Esme might have trouble making the mental transition from "Esme's room" to "the kids' room." We needn't have worried.
I have found that the children don't disturb each others' sleep, even if they're trying to. Yesterday afternoon, when Emil had woken from his nap while his big sister was still off in dreamland, I heard this furtive grunting coming from the bedroom. "Nuh, nuh, nuh." It's hard to translate, but if he were speaking English, he would have been saying, "Hey! Wake up!" I walked into the room to find Emil standing in his crib staring intently at Esme while he was grunting. He smiled when he saw me, and was happy to be scooped up and whisked away. Esme slept for another hour without a problem.
Esme has also managed to fall asleep while Emil cried in his crib, protesting his own bedtime. She doesn't wake up when he cries in the middle of the night either. And perhaps the best sign of successful room-sharing came yesterday, when Esme precociously referred to the room as "the children's room" for the first time (it was still Esme's room in her mind a week ago).
As I flipped through the pages of the latest Parents magazine, I found an article on just this subject. The writer says that despite the trend for children to have their own rooms in America, experts say that it is healthier for siblings to share rooms. Among the benefits listed were learning how to cooperate and building stronger bonds. Whether it is the living situation or their natural personalities, I have to admit that my kids love each other dearly. Of course they have their moments of jealousy and sometimes they fight over toys, but in general, they really enjoy each other's company.
Will they be able to share a room forever? No, probably not. But for now, this is definitely working.
We decided for the meantime, at least, that the children would be fine sharing a bedroom. We were both nervous about how the kids would sleep, whether they would wake each other up or not. We also worried that Esme might have trouble making the mental transition from "Esme's room" to "the kids' room." We needn't have worried.
I have found that the children don't disturb each others' sleep, even if they're trying to. Yesterday afternoon, when Emil had woken from his nap while his big sister was still off in dreamland, I heard this furtive grunting coming from the bedroom. "Nuh, nuh, nuh." It's hard to translate, but if he were speaking English, he would have been saying, "Hey! Wake up!" I walked into the room to find Emil standing in his crib staring intently at Esme while he was grunting. He smiled when he saw me, and was happy to be scooped up and whisked away. Esme slept for another hour without a problem.
Esme has also managed to fall asleep while Emil cried in his crib, protesting his own bedtime. She doesn't wake up when he cries in the middle of the night either. And perhaps the best sign of successful room-sharing came yesterday, when Esme precociously referred to the room as "the children's room" for the first time (it was still Esme's room in her mind a week ago).
As I flipped through the pages of the latest Parents magazine, I found an article on just this subject. The writer says that despite the trend for children to have their own rooms in America, experts say that it is healthier for siblings to share rooms. Among the benefits listed were learning how to cooperate and building stronger bonds. Whether it is the living situation or their natural personalities, I have to admit that my kids love each other dearly. Of course they have their moments of jealousy and sometimes they fight over toys, but in general, they really enjoy each other's company.
Will they be able to share a room forever? No, probably not. But for now, this is definitely working.
Thursday, July 19, 2007
The Art of Blogging
I was just reading Emily's comments on my post about teaching second languages, and the thought bubbled up (as it has before) that these types of conversations we're able to have through The Daily Spitup are invaluable to me.
It's almost like letter-writing, except that we have set the topic of parenting for all of our exchanges. Posting to the blog enables me to take an experience, whether it is a major endeavor like potty training, or a little moment, like watching the children play together, and internalize it. It makes me more thoughtful about my parenting techniques, and gives me the satisfaction of hearing other viewpoints on the issues that I face every day. It's not like email, which is usually typed up and sent without too much thought. It's a different kind of outlet, and one that gives me much satisfaction both as a writer and as an analytic thinker.
I was resistant to blogging for a long time, thinking of it as an online diary. Blogging as an art is much like journaling, in that it allows for unique points of view and it often allows individual styles to shine through where other, more formulaic outlets mute individuality. But in its best form, it is more than a journal. A journal is presumably written for the author. A blog is written for an unlimited audience. The best blogs have distinct styles: witty, irreverent, flirtatious, informative, gossipy, etc. For me, it has been a practice in the art of the essay, adopted for the modern world. What technology has added to this ancient art is the ability to record and constantly add the readers' views, thus making it a conversation rather than a monologue. So thank you, Emily, for all of your comments. And for the others who have posted their own thoughts. Keep them coming.
It's almost like letter-writing, except that we have set the topic of parenting for all of our exchanges. Posting to the blog enables me to take an experience, whether it is a major endeavor like potty training, or a little moment, like watching the children play together, and internalize it. It makes me more thoughtful about my parenting techniques, and gives me the satisfaction of hearing other viewpoints on the issues that I face every day. It's not like email, which is usually typed up and sent without too much thought. It's a different kind of outlet, and one that gives me much satisfaction both as a writer and as an analytic thinker.
I was resistant to blogging for a long time, thinking of it as an online diary. Blogging as an art is much like journaling, in that it allows for unique points of view and it often allows individual styles to shine through where other, more formulaic outlets mute individuality. But in its best form, it is more than a journal. A journal is presumably written for the author. A blog is written for an unlimited audience. The best blogs have distinct styles: witty, irreverent, flirtatious, informative, gossipy, etc. For me, it has been a practice in the art of the essay, adopted for the modern world. What technology has added to this ancient art is the ability to record and constantly add the readers' views, thus making it a conversation rather than a monologue. So thank you, Emily, for all of your comments. And for the others who have posted their own thoughts. Keep them coming.
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Teaching Toddlers/Preschoolers a Foreign Language
Jacob and I just got into a heated discussion in the car over whether Esme should learn Spanish or Chinese. Standing back, it seems a little ridiculous that we're debating what language our 2-year-old should be learning (and that I am advocating she should be learning, or at least exposed to, two foreign languages right now). I recognize I have the tendency to be a hyper-intellectual parent. I confess to having labeled things around the house so that Esme might be able to recognize the words.
But being hyper-intellectual, I have done a lot of reading on this subject, and I have applied my own common sense enough to know that there are windows of opportunity for learning. The developing mind and tongue are at their best for language learning at Esme's age. Americans generally don't think they need a second language, but I disagree. We are moving into a more global community, and I feel like my children will benefit tremendously from knowing languages other than English.
Esme already recognizes and understands a decent amount of Spanish. If I ask her, "Tienes hambre, Esme?" she answers, "Yes, I'm hungry." I have achieved this through video tapes that she loves to watch, speaking to her in Spanish regularly, and reading to her in Spanish. She loves the videos and the books, but she looks at me a little funny when I speak in Spanish at home. (In Spain, she was fine with it because everyone was speaking Spanish.)
So what is the best method for teaching a young child a foreign language? Immersion is the only way to get the child speaking that language fluently. Immersion can take place in a foreign country, with a primary caretaker (a nanny or a parent speaking another language), or in regular play groups with children that speak other languages. I make this last comment because I truly believe that children learn so much more from other children than they do from adults.
But immersion isn't the only path to a second (or third) language. My goal with Esme isn't that she be fluent in a second or third language by the time she's three or even four. I simply want to expose her to other languages, using repetition and child-friendly media like videos and books, so that it's not so foreign to her. I know that my own path to speaking Spanish has been a very gradual one. After not having advanced much in years (since we moved away from Spain), on my last trip there, I catapulted to a new level. This is a residual growth process, and it doesn't happen overnight.
Because traveling and thinking globally are so important to me, I expect it to be important to my children, too. I feel like giving them other languages at a young age is one of the best gifts I can offer. No, I don't expect them to be fluent, but by being exposed now, if they choose to pursue languages further when they're older, I believe it will be much easier for them. I'm careful not to make it a high pressure situation for the children. It's all fun learning. Esme begs to watch her Muzzy video in Spanish (from Early Advantage) and her Bonjour Les Amis video in French, and she loves reading her books in Spanish.
A word on Early Advantage, though. If you're thinking about getting videos for your kids, I have to say that the Early Advantage program is expensive and not very compelling. It lacks interactive elements and is basically just a 2-disc cartoon story. There are other DVDs on the market that are much less expensive. You can even check them out from the library.
But being hyper-intellectual, I have done a lot of reading on this subject, and I have applied my own common sense enough to know that there are windows of opportunity for learning. The developing mind and tongue are at their best for language learning at Esme's age. Americans generally don't think they need a second language, but I disagree. We are moving into a more global community, and I feel like my children will benefit tremendously from knowing languages other than English.
Esme already recognizes and understands a decent amount of Spanish. If I ask her, "Tienes hambre, Esme?" she answers, "Yes, I'm hungry." I have achieved this through video tapes that she loves to watch, speaking to her in Spanish regularly, and reading to her in Spanish. She loves the videos and the books, but she looks at me a little funny when I speak in Spanish at home. (In Spain, she was fine with it because everyone was speaking Spanish.)
So what is the best method for teaching a young child a foreign language? Immersion is the only way to get the child speaking that language fluently. Immersion can take place in a foreign country, with a primary caretaker (a nanny or a parent speaking another language), or in regular play groups with children that speak other languages. I make this last comment because I truly believe that children learn so much more from other children than they do from adults.
But immersion isn't the only path to a second (or third) language. My goal with Esme isn't that she be fluent in a second or third language by the time she's three or even four. I simply want to expose her to other languages, using repetition and child-friendly media like videos and books, so that it's not so foreign to her. I know that my own path to speaking Spanish has been a very gradual one. After not having advanced much in years (since we moved away from Spain), on my last trip there, I catapulted to a new level. This is a residual growth process, and it doesn't happen overnight.
Because traveling and thinking globally are so important to me, I expect it to be important to my children, too. I feel like giving them other languages at a young age is one of the best gifts I can offer. No, I don't expect them to be fluent, but by being exposed now, if they choose to pursue languages further when they're older, I believe it will be much easier for them. I'm careful not to make it a high pressure situation for the children. It's all fun learning. Esme begs to watch her Muzzy video in Spanish (from Early Advantage) and her Bonjour Les Amis video in French, and she loves reading her books in Spanish.
A word on Early Advantage, though. If you're thinking about getting videos for your kids, I have to say that the Early Advantage program is expensive and not very compelling. It lacks interactive elements and is basically just a 2-disc cartoon story. There are other DVDs on the market that are much less expensive. You can even check them out from the library.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)