Sleep-training Atticus

After over a month of constant night-waking and difficulty settling, we have determined to use a ‘crying-down’ period to help Atticus learn to sleep. It is heart-breaking. He is six and a half months and is a beautiful, happy, energetic baby. He was weaned onto some solids at 5 months and now has three good meals a day, plus milk-feeds on demand. At night I nurse him at my bedtime, then around 3 or 4am, then breakfast. I feel confident that he no longer needs much more than just the middle of the night feed, as he now wakes without being hungry and often waits a good half an hour before nursing, this morning is was closer to an hour. I am utterly exhausted from his most recent bout of sleeplessness- he is currently waking over a dozen times a night, needing to be rocked and sung to sleep. There are nights that I have ended up sleeping in the armchair next to his bed because I know he will be up again in a matter of minutes. I am aware that this is teaching him nothing but the wrong habits, and need to find a way to teach him how to re-settle in the night. All my experience and reading shows that babies who settle themselves to sleep when they go to bed tend to re-settle themselves in the night unless they have a genuine problem. I am also aware that the longer I wait to do this the older he will be and the more entrenched his habits will be.

Night 1
7:10 He is laid in bed: bathed, massaged, nursed, sung to and snuggled. He plays with his friends for a moment before understanding that he is alone and needs to sleep. The cries are distressed and powerful, but not overwhelming. Even through them I can hear how tired he is. My beautiful boy needs to release himself into slumber.
7:20 I go to him, pat, stroke, soothe and try to lull him a little calmer. He cannot understand why I don’t pick him up. I sing to him but he cannot hear. His cries are alternating: full of yawns then anguish.
7:30 I go again. My god this hurts. He is full of incomprehension, as I stroke him and kiss away his tears. I repeat my mantra: ‘Hush, baby, hush. I love you, boy. It’s time to sleep’ and sing him his favourite lullaby. His cries are less desperate and more exhausted.
7:40 Though I am due to go to him; I can hear the gaps in his cries are full of slumber. I’ll give it another couple of minutes because I don’t want my emotions and love to re-awaken him. It hurts not to go when I am sitting here counting the minutes.
7:45 He is asleep.

Day 2
Last night he slept well, waking only a couple of times other than for his feeds and dropping off again without tears. But today he has barely napped- brief sleeps at 9am, noon and 2:30. He was clingy and fussy all day, but did feed well. I anticipate a rough evening. I fear that the bond we have will be damaged by this process- my love for him is so powerful, but when he looks at me so sadly and I don’t give him the tenderness he asks for he cannot understand.

Night 2
7:02 I lay him down really drowsy and kiss him goodnight. When I leave, he immediately starts crying loudly.
7:10 All is quiet- is he asleep? Yes! He is, but do not feel too good because when you do, that is when the shit goes bad! I love ya!- matty

Day 3
He slept well last night, waking for his feeds at around the right time, and resettling quickly. This morning we all woke up around 7:15- unheard of! The nap-routine was going well, he had a 45 minute nap from 9am in the pram after dropping Imogen off, and was ready for his lunchtime nap by 1. After an hour of sleep, though, Imogen woke him up. He wouldn’t resettle, even with another feed, as the edge had been taken off his tiredness. As a result the whole afternoon was a tearful and clingy one. Now it looks like I’ll have real trouble keeping him up until 7.

Night 3
6:00 I lay him down after possibly the largest dinner ever (spinach bake followed by pear puree with yoghurt), and a good long breast feed. He has been so sad this afternoon- really exhausted. I hope that this is not going to result in an over-tired boy who resists sleep for hours.
6:10 I go to him and try to soothe him. I lay my hands on firmly and calmly (!) I kiss him and tell him that I love him, but he needs to go to sleep. His kisses are fierce and he looks at me with such incomprehension it breaks my heart. He never stops crying whilst I am there. When I leave the room I read in Dr Sears’ book about ‘crying up’ versus ‘crying down’. The theory is that one is a move towards more distress and away from sleep, the other a step in the right direction. I listen hopefully for the crying to calm. It seems to be doing so at times, but then picks up again. My visits seem to make him sadder, not calmer. My reading says that at this point I should increase the gaps between my visits by five minutes. Every moment is heart-wrenching, but I will try.
6:25 I go in and kiss him and sing to him. Again I repeat my mantra. He looks devastated and I sit and sob when I leave him as his cries echo on. This goes against all I want to do, all that my heart speaks. But only moments later he is quiet. He is asleep. What has felt like an eternity has been less than half an hour.

I'll let you know how things progress.